It all started as an inspiration in the heart of Archbishop Soc Villegas...upon coming back from one of his pilgrimages. He came home one morning at Bahay Pari-San Onofre, his residence, and also my refuge for my sabbatical year, brimming with excitement at the vision of having the Holy Anscestors of Our Lord portrayed in individual medallions along the four supporting arches of the faux dome of St. Joseph Cathedral. Over breakfast, one rather humid Monday of July, he just so casually shared with me this thought of putting up the icons to which I merely responded with an approving nod thinking all the while that he too has somebody else to create them for the cathedral. I was wrong. It was clear to him as well that he wanted me to paint the icons myself. Of course I was honored by that nonchalant show of confidence and trust. But it was with a nervous smile that I was prodded to accept the challenge. I am a painter and am no stranger to the thrill of coming up with a new work of art at the sudden upsurge of this rare type of insanity exclusive to artists, but actually working on a project of this scale is simply not within the range of what I believe I am capable of. Daunting but not impossible is how I would describe the project. I suddenly found myself at a loss, not knowing where or how to begin.
Then I was seized by a terrifying sensation upon realizing that there's not much time left for me to prolong my musings. I realized that I have just said yes without having given much thought to the kind of preparation needed even long before the actual painting of the icons could begin. I also shudder at the fear of not being able to live up to what was being expected of me, not to mention the possible effect this project would have on the clergy and the community not only of Balanga, but of the whole diocese! I needed encouragement and spiritual support. And it is in providing the latter that the good Archbishop is famously known for. Ibig sabihin...walang lusot...wala nang atrasan 'to!
And so back to the drawing board I went. I began by doing a little research work not only on the subject matter and the history and theology behind it, but even on the ancient art of fresco painting and the technicalities entailed in replicating the same results but using modern technology. The following three months were perhaps the longest and most tedious as I have to meet up with architects and engineers, light technicians and designers, prefab-manufacturers and and a host of other experts. Most everyone I have encountered and consulted for the project were just as clueless at first as to how we could possibly execute the project without sacrificing the integrity of the existing structure, a heritage site in its own right. But all of them kind souls also shared with me and the Archbishop the same passion for the project. Daunting but not impossible...
For five straight months, in between occasional masses and tasks at the cathedral, I labored night and day over the icons. I started with pads of study sketches based on Byzantine models, transferring them on charcoal papers in exact, uniform dimensions, and later photocopying them and tracing them onto gesso-covered fiberglass panels with canvass lining underneath. With initial drawings completed, I then proceeded by retracing each individual portrait all over again with a fine-tipped, sable hair brush using a mixture of Burnt amber acrylic pigment and emulsion. Only after this already exacting process was I able to continue painting layers upon layers of Yellow Ochres and Olives and Cerulean Blues in imitation of the ancient iconographic technique called "illumination," i.e., the gradual extraction of "light" from the painted images which gives the impression that light is emanating from within the subject and not coming from any outside source. This is symbolic of the divine life that is exuded by the subjects of icon-writing (e.g. Our Savior, Holy Mary-Theotokos, The Saints, etc.).
Icon writing is a spiritual discipline more than an artistic endeavor. The task necessitated that I confine myself in a suitably peaceful and serene environment not unlike a monastic cell. The work too was spiritually demanding in that I have to paint in a genuinely prayerful and reflective manner, and to be in the state of grace. This proved the toughest challenge and the most exacting requisite of all. It simply was an ordeal having to concentrate on the painting while keeping your cool especially when unexpected disturbances and distractions come up. It was truly a journey into Calvary when you start hearing less than encouraging remarks for something you have been doing only with much love and enthusiasm. It truly was a sacrificial enterprise to deprive yourself with even the most basic of indulgences, of consciously and deliberately choosing to be misunderstood, criticized, undermined, suspected of your real motives or capability by not fighting back nor exerting effort at defending yourself...and bouts of insecurity issues and self-doubt...all these are the many devils one is bound to encounter and wrestle with in the course of painting an icon.
Daunting but not impossible...this has morphed into a mantra of sorts which I kept on repeating again and again to myself as I plunged head on to accomplish the task. I have to be strong. I have to be courageous. I have to convince myself constantly that I am doing God's will, that everything will turn out right, that the end-product will be a source of untold blessings for the community I am dedicating it for. And as the blessed faces of the Holy Ancestors of Our Lord started to emerge one by one from the gessoed panels, I realized that a parallel event is also transpiring in my life as trials and complications and other occasions for growth also unfold in my very own family. It was amazing how these rather intimate events in my own family somehow substantiate for me the story behind each and everyone of the personages I am portraying in the icon-project. I somehow suddenly, strangely, felt the same struggles, the same tensions, the same animosity, the same joys and pains, the same sibling issues, the same off and on relationship with God, the same normality of being very human and and the same time called to live out divine virtues, and a host of other family complications that characterize this genealogy where Jesus Christ sprang up. I was having this sense that I too was actually portraying my family's story as I painted a representation of the Lord's own. This was the grace that I was longing for: the realization that Jesus truly penetrated the depths of human experience by going through its pains and struggles, even to the point of actually having relatives and ancestors who themselves were not consistently flawless and undefiled at all times.
It was December 1, 2009 when I and my construction team finally installed the last of the forty-four panels thus finally completing the project. I was 2 months ahead of my target deadline which was supposed to be February of 2010. I feverishly worked through the last remaining panels to make it on time for the upcoming Presbyteral Ordination of Rev. Joen B. on December 7. The completed icons were truly a sight to behold. Seeing them on those four arches of the soaring faux-dome filled my heart with a bit of pride and an ample dose of humility. God in his servants is truly alive and speaking through these holy images. I was moved to my knees. I can only offer a quiet prayer of thanksgiving at such a marvel that Our lord has wrought through my crude instrumentality. My heart was welling up with nothing but gratitude for everyone: for Fr. Soc who believed and trusted in me, for the cathedral fathers and the clergy of Bataan who offered me acceptance and unbridled support and friendship, for the simple and kindhearted people of Balanga, and for my little family in Bahay Pari-San Onofre, Sr. Lola Luth, Sr. Lourdes, Ate Myrna and Joseph, Kuya Alvin and Kuya Edong, Ate Venus and Ate Idang, for nanay Norma- Fr. Soc's Mom and surrogate mother to all priests.
Days after, I woke up in Bahay Pari realizing that my job was done. The quiet morning I woke up to was the same calm and peace I have had when I had my first breakfast in this homely abode. It was the same morning which spoke to me very gently, telling me to go on and enjoy life, to explore possibilities for growth and selfless service, to pray and be healed, to discover friends and kindred souls, to find excuses to thank God for, to bathe in kindness and compassion from others and to dare to offer the same to them in return. It was a quiet morning, a cool December morning...It felt just right...time to move on...I knew I have to go
Then I was seized by a terrifying sensation upon realizing that there's not much time left for me to prolong my musings. I realized that I have just said yes without having given much thought to the kind of preparation needed even long before the actual painting of the icons could begin. I also shudder at the fear of not being able to live up to what was being expected of me, not to mention the possible effect this project would have on the clergy and the community not only of Balanga, but of the whole diocese! I needed encouragement and spiritual support. And it is in providing the latter that the good Archbishop is famously known for. Ibig sabihin...walang lusot...wala nang atrasan 'to!
And so back to the drawing board I went. I began by doing a little research work not only on the subject matter and the history and theology behind it, but even on the ancient art of fresco painting and the technicalities entailed in replicating the same results but using modern technology. The following three months were perhaps the longest and most tedious as I have to meet up with architects and engineers, light technicians and designers, prefab-manufacturers and and a host of other experts. Most everyone I have encountered and consulted for the project were just as clueless at first as to how we could possibly execute the project without sacrificing the integrity of the existing structure, a heritage site in its own right. But all of them kind souls also shared with me and the Archbishop the same passion for the project. Daunting but not impossible...
For five straight months, in between occasional masses and tasks at the cathedral, I labored night and day over the icons. I started with pads of study sketches based on Byzantine models, transferring them on charcoal papers in exact, uniform dimensions, and later photocopying them and tracing them onto gesso-covered fiberglass panels with canvass lining underneath. With initial drawings completed, I then proceeded by retracing each individual portrait all over again with a fine-tipped, sable hair brush using a mixture of Burnt amber acrylic pigment and emulsion. Only after this already exacting process was I able to continue painting layers upon layers of Yellow Ochres and Olives and Cerulean Blues in imitation of the ancient iconographic technique called "illumination," i.e., the gradual extraction of "light" from the painted images which gives the impression that light is emanating from within the subject and not coming from any outside source. This is symbolic of the divine life that is exuded by the subjects of icon-writing (e.g. Our Savior, Holy Mary-Theotokos, The Saints, etc.).
Icon writing is a spiritual discipline more than an artistic endeavor. The task necessitated that I confine myself in a suitably peaceful and serene environment not unlike a monastic cell. The work too was spiritually demanding in that I have to paint in a genuinely prayerful and reflective manner, and to be in the state of grace. This proved the toughest challenge and the most exacting requisite of all. It simply was an ordeal having to concentrate on the painting while keeping your cool especially when unexpected disturbances and distractions come up. It was truly a journey into Calvary when you start hearing less than encouraging remarks for something you have been doing only with much love and enthusiasm. It truly was a sacrificial enterprise to deprive yourself with even the most basic of indulgences, of consciously and deliberately choosing to be misunderstood, criticized, undermined, suspected of your real motives or capability by not fighting back nor exerting effort at defending yourself...and bouts of insecurity issues and self-doubt...all these are the many devils one is bound to encounter and wrestle with in the course of painting an icon.
Daunting but not impossible...this has morphed into a mantra of sorts which I kept on repeating again and again to myself as I plunged head on to accomplish the task. I have to be strong. I have to be courageous. I have to convince myself constantly that I am doing God's will, that everything will turn out right, that the end-product will be a source of untold blessings for the community I am dedicating it for. And as the blessed faces of the Holy Ancestors of Our Lord started to emerge one by one from the gessoed panels, I realized that a parallel event is also transpiring in my life as trials and complications and other occasions for growth also unfold in my very own family. It was amazing how these rather intimate events in my own family somehow substantiate for me the story behind each and everyone of the personages I am portraying in the icon-project. I somehow suddenly, strangely, felt the same struggles, the same tensions, the same animosity, the same joys and pains, the same sibling issues, the same off and on relationship with God, the same normality of being very human and and the same time called to live out divine virtues, and a host of other family complications that characterize this genealogy where Jesus Christ sprang up. I was having this sense that I too was actually portraying my family's story as I painted a representation of the Lord's own. This was the grace that I was longing for: the realization that Jesus truly penetrated the depths of human experience by going through its pains and struggles, even to the point of actually having relatives and ancestors who themselves were not consistently flawless and undefiled at all times.
It was December 1, 2009 when I and my construction team finally installed the last of the forty-four panels thus finally completing the project. I was 2 months ahead of my target deadline which was supposed to be February of 2010. I feverishly worked through the last remaining panels to make it on time for the upcoming Presbyteral Ordination of Rev. Joen B. on December 7. The completed icons were truly a sight to behold. Seeing them on those four arches of the soaring faux-dome filled my heart with a bit of pride and an ample dose of humility. God in his servants is truly alive and speaking through these holy images. I was moved to my knees. I can only offer a quiet prayer of thanksgiving at such a marvel that Our lord has wrought through my crude instrumentality. My heart was welling up with nothing but gratitude for everyone: for Fr. Soc who believed and trusted in me, for the cathedral fathers and the clergy of Bataan who offered me acceptance and unbridled support and friendship, for the simple and kindhearted people of Balanga, and for my little family in Bahay Pari-San Onofre, Sr. Lola Luth, Sr. Lourdes, Ate Myrna and Joseph, Kuya Alvin and Kuya Edong, Ate Venus and Ate Idang, for nanay Norma- Fr. Soc's Mom and surrogate mother to all priests.
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