THOUGHTS ON BOARD KE094

...again, in-between a Korean grandma and a chubby Amerasian girl, with their bags, stuff toy and a banana, I was assigned to seat E33. I am heading home, tired, exhausted, forced to plug into the plane's in-house music (a less annoying option than do a marathon of the cheesy movie selection), for lack of better things to do.

- It has been a good two-months since I first found myself in this same predicament.

- In-between two strangers, co-passengers, an old, congenial lady and a taba, sleepy neneng.

- Flight attendants with their rehearsed and measured niceties.

- Two months ago I was in the same position. But coming home was not quite the same.

- Laden not so much with excess baggage from too much buying of useless trash, but rather with an overflow of happy memories: of newly forged friendships, or the strengthening of old ones; learnings and un-learnings; new things and sights; delights and mishaps...

- I left two months ago with a heart swollen with uncertainties. I am coming home replenished and renewed.

TURBYULENS

Malubak na tila ang kalsada ng langit
na aking binaybay na dala ang himig
at heleng malambing ngunit 'di umubrang
magdala ng himbing sa puyat na tampipi.

Ma-ugoy ang duyang higante kong lulan
kay tayog ng lundag at kay lalim ng bagsak,
napuno ng sindak itong aking paglayag
pabalik, pauwi dun sa kuna kong dati-

Naming kalye, palaruang maluwag,
madilim, maliwanag, mapayapa't marahas;
kung minsa'y malinis, madalas ay marungis,
nguni't walang salang takbuhan parati.

Malubak din pala ang kalsada sa langit,
ako'y tila bangkang pumalaot mabuti
sa gitna ng dagat sa kasagsagan ng sigwa
at tanging sindak ang hapuna't almusal.

Ba't dati'y masarap ang nakatingala,
tulalang nakatitig sa malambot na ulap,
at malinaw na asul ang kisameng mataas
na panglinis kong lagi sa limahid ng lupa.

Ba't dati ang akala'y matuwid ang kalsada
at makinis na puti ang kanyang palitada
ay ngayon may nginig at nababahala
na baka magmistulang ligaw na saranggola.

Malubak mang tila ang kalsada ng langit
ang hanging daana'y lawit man ang sungit
ang lahat ng ito'y 'di inaalintana
sapagkat sabik na sa hapag ng pag-ibig.

My Peborit Things

Tortang giniling and Coke na me yelo,
Buhaghag na kanin na straight from kaldero,
Tilapia na tinapa at tuyong Bataan,
These are a few of my peborit things.

Laboy sa kalye at kalkal sa ukay,
Painting at sulat ng tungkol sa buhay,
Joy-ride sa jeepney at siksik sa tren,
These are a few of my peborit things.

Maglakwatsa, bisikleta, mag-videoke pa,
Kasimple ng trip ko sa araw-araw
At sa mag-hapon, solve ka!

Coffee at chismis at tawang bangketa,
Manakot ng e-engot engot na bata,
Tambay kasama ang mga repapips,
These are a few of my peborit things.

Sabit sa may gimik kapag walang pera,
Bangka sa usapan kahit walang wenta,
Basta’t ang kasama ay mga barkada,
These are a few of my peborit things.

Maikli lang ating buhay, bawal ang drama
‘di baleng Boy Bawang at Red Horse lang nga
Basta’t Barkada, solve ka!

Coffee Break Is Over

I am an empty page,
A crumpled, used up leaf,
Of a calendar gone stale.

I am an empty tin
Can of half-eaten, half-eschewed,
Mash of unrecognizable bits,
Described on the label
As the equivalent of a day’s worth
Of calories and additives.

After the days,
After the hours,
After the moments spent
In a blissful suspended-animation-like state
Of a time snatched from the cruelties of what is real,
And allowed for a while
To wallow in the indulgences of a parallel world,
I am back,
Confronted
By that basic me,
The empty tin can ,
The empty page.

I am once more
An empty page,
An empty tin
Can of nothingness,
Awaiting replenishment.

HOMAGE

Yesterday, in Louisville, at the corner of 4th and Walnut, suddenly realized that I loved all the people and that none of them were, or, could be totally alien to me. As if waking from a dream — the dream of my separateness, of the “special” vocation to be different. My vocation does not really make me different from the rest of men or put me in a special category except artificially, juridically. I am still a member of the human race — and what more glorious destiny is there for man, since the Word was made flesh and became, too, a member of the Human Race!

— from A Search for Solitude: Pursuing
the Monk’s True Life (The Journals
of Thomas Merton, Volume
Three, 1952-1960)

ANTICIPATIONS (ENCORE)

Anticipate all parting, as if it were behind
you, like the winter that’s now passing.
For under winters is one winter so endless,
only in overwintering can your heart overcome…

M. R. Rilke

Parting is distressing. Sad, heavy thoughts of leaving places and faces behind. Especially the latter I guess. Parting always requires mourning, and after mourning comes burying, forgetting, letting go, and a host of other rituals man has invented since the dawn of time to assuage the pain that gnaws at the heart in every experience of parting.

Anticipating is waiting transformed. Parting as anticipation is just like the brimming up of exhilaration that fills one's breast as he nears the end of a chapter of a really engrossing book, knowing that the plot is just beginning to thicken and that he is in for some surprising twists and turns in the pages that follow. When seen in the light of anticipation, parting is transformed. It becomes a celebration, a lavish and abundant banquet where friends feast on a collective harvest of strengthened bonds and deepened loves. Parting as anticipation is a looking forward to greater times ahead.

I choose to look at this moment of parting with a pair of anticipation-colored specs.

CORPUS CHRISTI

"Give them something to eat yourselves" said the Master. In the midst of our own
exhaustion and hunger, the mandate is for us to "still" be food for the flock we vowed
to serve. He is in-charge, we are his collaborators. It is our task to humbly obey, it
is his promise to multiply the bread!

ANTICIPATIONS

Anticipation is my learning. Each day is anticipating the next, when filled with blessings, even one that might be full of tribulations. Anticipation is each waking time, looking forward to something good that’s sure to come; to the good in me that is waiting to come forth; even the unexpected good from unexpected visitors who might be angels coming to us unawares.

Anticipation is my learning. It is the opposite of anxiety. Anticipation casts its hopeful eyes toward joy; anxiety, towards gloom.

Finding a home on earth is anticipating a far better one beyond. Finding love on earth is anticipating a greater one. Warm relationships anticipate a never-ending communion of pure and holy love which is to come. Only in anticipating can one start truly living.

Icons are anticipations. They’re windows of what awaits our many struggles and daily attempt to live as if we are already living in the heavenly mansion we are anticipating; the sanctuary and font of All-Good.

Anticipation is waiting transformed!